Kenneth Blanchard, et. al., developed a leadership approach widely
known as Situational Leadership in which are defined four leadership styles or
behaviors, and four follower categories.
(Northouse, 2016, Chapter 5)
Included in the four leadership styles are two categories of behavior:
directive and supportive. The directive
behavior is, as the name suggests, a “one-way” communication wherein the leader
tells the subordinate (or follower) what to do, how to do it, when to get it
done, etc. Generally, the leader gives
detailed instructions and the follower does as they are directed. The supportive behavior is a “two-way” street
wherein the leader and follower are mutually engaged in determining the what,
how, and timeframe, etc. of the task (or tasks) to be performed by the
follower. Supportive behavior encompasses
a participative approach that provides for emotional and social support to the
follower on the part of the leader.
With these basic definitions in mind, I would like to reflect on my
directive versus supportive behaviors as I exhibit (or exhibited) them in my
various roles as a leader, follower, parent, child, friend, and I’ll even take
the risk and throw in spouse.
I am an only child who grew up with a strict mother and father,
where I learned my work ethic starting at a young age. I had a 21-year career in the military and
have now been a defense support contractor and consultant for approximately
11.5 years. I have been married for 33 years, and I am the father of two sons,
now ages 28 and 26. In my military
career, I had many opportunities to lead teams, both small and large, and to
direct a large acquisition program organization. I also had many opportunities to follow
leaders, most of whom I considered quite good at their jobs. In my role as a support contractor and
consultant to various acquisition program offices, I have had ample opportunity
to serve as a follower, often as a follower of people in leadership roles who
are considerably younger than I am. This
can present some interesting challenges and, if I’m lucky, can also provide me
with mentoring opportunities.
But let’s start with my role as a child. I was certainly a follower and throughout my
younger years especially, my parents were directive leaders. This is not to say that they were
cold-hearted or distant; but when I was young, I was told what to do, how to do
it, and generally when it must be done.
I had assigned household chores, like keeping my room clean, emptying
the waste baskets in the house, and helping both parents with odd jobs around
the house, in the yard, etc. When my
parents told me to do something, they always expected me to comply with their
instructions and not have to be told twice.
Of course, I oftentimes violated those instructions and suffered the
consequences. I can remember, as I grew
older, my dad’s seemingly favorite words of sage advice: “If you had spent half
the time doing what I asked instead of complaining, you’d have it done by
now.” Those words were usually followed
by the consequences of not doing what I was told, and having to be told more
than once.
In my later teens, and living with my parents in northern
Michigan, we heated our house with a wood furnace. I worked at a local restaurant, often in the
evenings, and didn’t arrive home until after midnight on a Friday night. But I experienced many 7:00 am wakeup calls
from my dad, telling me that we were going to go cut a load of wood. My father was a carpenter and worked
extremely hard his entire life (which is probably why he is now 85 and in many
ways more fit than I am). He expected
his only son to grow up used to hard work without complaint. I cut a lot of wood. I did a lot of chores. And though I didn’t completely realize it at
the time, those experiences were preparing me to work hard, and diligently, as
an adult. My parents prepared me well
for my military career. Rarely was my
parent’s leadership style a “two-way street”, but in my late teens there were
instances where their leadership, their parenting, did both allow and even
encourage me to participate in decision-making, as well as allowing me more
flexibility on when I got things done (as long as they were done!).
When I became a parent myself, I expected things to work with my
two sons in basically the same way that they had worked between me and my
parents. The thing is, my wife and I
never really discussed our parenting approach before we had our first son. My wife is one of five children who grew up
in a small house, and whose parents were more lenient with the chores, with
direction, and with consequences.
Looking back now, I can see that my wife’s parents had their hands full
with five kids and the kind of directive approach that I had experienced
growing up wasn’t nearly as feasible when dealing with five children instead of
one. The point is that my wife and I
found ourselves at nearly opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to
parenting. I attempted to be directive
and establish consequences for misbehavior.
My wife was almost entirely participative in her approach with our sons,
even when they were quite young. After
some parenting-skills disagreements, I dialed down my directive approach and
more or less followed her lead. As a
result, our sons usually listened to me and di what they were told; my wife had
a harder time in that department but in the end she is today much closer to our
sons than I am. My sons respect me and
my work ethic, but they usually turn to their mother first when they need help
since mom always provided the social and emotional support in their formative
years.
Given my upbringing, I was more or less ideally suited to the
military’s typically directive style among the leaders for whom I worked as a
junior officer. I followed orders
without question (although I did ask clarifying questions if I didn’t
understand the task at hand). As more
work was pushed my way, I simply worked harder and longer because that’s what
my dad did. As the years went by, this
became problematic for me when I would constantly be consumed by work to the
detriment of family time. I did not
really know how to balance work and family, even though I heard that refrain
countless times from senior military leaders. So I missed much of my sons growing up, which
is something I will always regret. But
my military bosses thought highly of my work ethic and I fared well on my
appraisals.
As I began to assume leadership positions in my military career, I
started out highly mission oriented and low on the social-emotional support
scale. I had grown up, and I had spent
the first few years in the military, believing that mission was everything and
people are just supposed to do as they are told. Besides that, I was an introvert so the
social side of things was not my strong suit early on. But after five years on active duty, the Air
Force sent me to the Air Force Institute of Technology (AFIT) to get my Master
of Science in Systems Management. I was
lucky enough there to be exposed to professors who knew, and taught, the
theories of people like Dr. W. Edwards Deming.
I quickly began to see that the people side of the whole leadership
thing really mattered. And one of
Deming’s cardinal rules was that if an organization’s output was not right, it
was the fault of management and not the workers.
When I finished at AFIT, I was assigned to an acquisition program
office where I was given a significant leadership role. And I began to act on the people side of the
equation, while ensuring that our mission was successful. I applied what I had learned about Deming,
and about Blanchard (from my Organizational Behavior class at AFIT). This introvert found that I actually liked
the social-emotional aspects of leading teams.
I began to have off-sites; I structured meetings and reviews to give my
followers direct participation in decisions about strategy, and execution. Over the years, starting with that first
assignment after AFIT, I have naturally tended toward what Blanchard would call
a “supporting” and “coaching” leader. I
find that I’m happier at work, and my followers are happier at work, and we are
more successful at accomplishing the mission when I hover between those two
leadership behaviors.
Now that I’m a support contractor and consultant, I am back to
being a follower. I am fortunate in that
I usually get to be a behind-the-scenes supporting and coaching leader of sorts
in providing recommendations to my clients and even sometimes being asked to
mentor some of the more junior government people. I just need to be careful. Some government personnel (military and
civilian), and leaders, know how to best employ a support contractor’s skills
and experience and tap into that knowledge for the benefit of all. Other government folks can view contractors
as “second-class citizens” who should be seen but not heard; those types of
people take offense if a contractor “steps out of his lane” and tries to make suggestions
or give recommendations about the conduct of the business of running
acquisition programs. I can work with
both types of people in that regard, and I can still salute smartly and do my
work quietly when required. But I much
prefer the two-way street when I am a follower.
Now we’re down to my roles as a friend and spouse. As a friend, I am never directive. In my mind, friendship is by definition a
two-way street. If asked specifically
for advice, I will offer steps that I would take, or the things that I would do
in a given situation. But I would never
presume to direct a friend.
Unfortunately, when my wife and I were first married, I did assume the
role of a director at times. Looking
back, I don’t really know why I would have thought that was appropriate, but my
upbringing and my youth (and lack of relationship experience) probably had a
lot to do with it. Needless to say, my
directive approach as a spouse was met with more than a little resistance and I
gradually began to learn (often the hard way) that directive behavior in
marriage is the wrong approach. I have
that message, and these days I do not direct anything. Sometimes my wife does, but that’s okay
(listen up husbands!). Marriage is a
lifelong learning process and I continue to work on my supportive,
social-emotional skills as a spouse. I
have found that I am a problem solver, so when my wife is concerned about
something and brings it to me, I have to be careful not to try to immediately
“fix” the problem. Part of being a good
husband is about listening and empathy, and not jumping in with directions in
any situations unless specifically asked to do so…and even then one must be
careful. If anything is a true two-way
street, it is (and must be) in marriage.
I know that Blake and Mouton have sharply criticized the
Situational Approach (Robert Blake and
Jane Mouton, 1981), asserting that only the Management Grid theory yields
the one, best leadership style, but I find the Situational Leadership approach
by Blanchard extremely useful and directly applicable to the real-world fact
that leadership situations or scenarios vary.
Common sense tells us that we cannot act one way, and one way only in
all situations. For me, paying attention
to directive behavior and social-emotional behavior has proven an important
guide in my leadership, followership, friendship, marital and other roles that
I have in life. Adjusting those two
behavioral factors in dealings with my adult children, as well as my aging
parents, I find to be necessary with each situation that arises.
